Next Chapter 

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In an exhausting day of purging the last of the kids accessories lying around, Baby Rangirl found a way to help out:

  
Yup, our little mofos are embarking on new chapters. We traveled to hell-in-New York: preK registration for Not-So-Baby Rangirl. Dude. 2.5 hours in a system that required 7 forms and none were digital. Hell. 

  
I immediately dropped “ass” and “douche” bombs within my first 5 minutes of waiting, channeling my younger Ranman in a school environment. Mommy Ranman regressed to her younger nerd state and almost tattled on me to the closest adult. 

Meanwhile, Baby Ranboy is too big for his swing: coming in at the 83rd percentile for weight in his age group. This swing lasted Baby Rangirl at least 1 year; Baby Ranboy barely lasted 7 months. 
  

Saddens me to think that I need to learn new school curriculums whilst we try to remember how to train a kid to sleep all over again. 

Grab me a drink, boy. 

  

No More School…

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…Or…not until we get a tutor.  We got one of those Highlights for kids magazines in the mail. Baby Rangirl was tasked with finding the hidden objects as we all were growing up. But then, she asked a question which stumped me. 

Find the CD. 

“What’s a ‘CD’, daddy?”

 
I’m out. This new core math teaching is above my pay grade. I didn’t even know how to explain the purpose of a CD to someone who will likely never have to use one. 

One Sick Rangirl 

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Dear heaven almighty and its sisters, Baby Rangirl is sick! Our bed flew its bedsheets at half mast, fully realizing the decrease in time which will be spent sleeping. The cat upped her Annoying Meter to level 5 and began her quest for food at 4AM vs. 5AM. Baby Ranboy decided to throw in a rare 2 AM feeding to keep the chaos going. 

And Baby Rangirl kicks up the neediness 100%. From spoon feeding to passing the tissues which are inches away- this kid would outsource peeing for her if it were possible. 

This time we waited to hit the doctor due to the innocence of the congestion. We finally took the trip after 2 days of unstable body temperatures, letting the doc know of our girl’s history of ear infections and current complaints of mouth pain: and got sent home with a “eh, she’ll be fine.”

With the lack of eating and further pains we diagnosed a sinus infection with the help of family and Google. The office’s nurses on the phone when we called back? 

“Pain in the mouth? I never heard of that.”

Mommy Ranman: “Methinks we have a case of sinus infection, which the doctor failed to consider during our 2 hour visit there.”

Nurse: “I just asked the head nurse and she feels it is sinus infection because the [something] gland swelling up…just take Advil and ride it out.”

Needless to say, that office will be Yelped-By-Ranman later today. 

We just gotta get Baby Ranman back to the dancing bafoon she is…sans boy, below:

  
Meanwhile we have Baby Ranboy keeping his distance to avoid the vigorous coughing his sister unleashes. Stuck in deep thought.  All in argyle. Once he gets matching socks we’ll know he’s too old for hugs. 

  

More Food More Problems 

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Well, not problems…just more poop. We’ve upgraded Baby Ranboy to 2 solid meals now that he’s a week away from turning 7 months. And despite the pediatrician putting Baby Ranboy in the 80th percentile for weight, she still wants him at 2 solid meals per day. 

Godzilla!

  
And the day immediately following his first attempt at 2 solids, I was greeted with a rare AM poop as we were trying to rush out of the house. 

What I was expecting at this age was some consistency in clothing. Cute catch phrases on onesies, little animals on the butt of some trousers. But I had to stop for a split second when trying to figure out Baby Ranboy’s pants vs. my socks. 

  
You’re throwing off my game, little dude. 

You Lack Discipline 

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It’s been 5..no… 0 days since I last called Baby Rangirl something mean. I try to stray away from names like idiot or dummy: a favorite with  Ranman Senior whilst raising me. But yesterday called for some choice words during dinner. 

I’m sure by now you’re used to the name calling as you read this blog post in the distant future. Heck Baby Rangirl, when am I not calling people loser as per all the Donald Trump I’m being exposed to in 2016?

But sweet Jeebus and Maria were you extra saucy with the “No!” and “I don’t want to!” talk. I was so flabbergasted that I just threw water at you. Granted, I do my best to suppress laughter when scolding or listening to you yell back. I think to myself “is this really happening? Am I a dude who still plays PlayStation and smacks my gal’s bum, now trying to be authorative with another human being??” 

I do feel bad hours later for all the name calling and allowing you to slip and fall on the water I threw at you earlier. All the guilt-television you’re racking up surely must explain you’re inevitable hate for me as you read this years later. Just…just don’t leave me to rot in a nursing home without video games, ok Baby Rangirl? You’re mother will drive me nuts otherwise. 

Now, pictures to show I am an okay dad. 

Me FaceTimeing for your 4th birthday while away for work…hmm…not a great parenting moment:

   
Making up with a guilt-trip to a water park:

 
Taking the wrong toothpaste to my business trip…yours is way tastier:

   
Your bro enjoying the water park, reflecting on life so far:

 

Jonas and the Ranmen

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The snows came and they settled in our driveway this past weekend, Babies Rangirl and Ranboy. And in true New York fashion, not one neighbor offered a hand or at least shape a path for our sidewalk with their fancy snow plows. Nope, there’s a clear line where their plowing ended- along with the annual gift baskets we give. 

  
Just remember little girl and Baby Ranboy- your pops wasn’t as slow and fat as you see him whilst reading this post in the future. I had like a 2 pack-of-abs thing going, and the strength of 20 5 year olds (no, not 25 year-olds). So I shoveled our driveway and sidewalk by my lonesome. And I won winter with no machines (since the snow thrower we do own can barely fling a cat, sadly). 

“I’m like a modern day superman!” I exclaimed. 

“Yes, you are,” Mommy Ranman said in that tone she uses with you kids when you’re seeking acclamation for picking up the same toy we yelled at you about two days prior. 

The Jonas blizzard ensured we were stuck with you two for a longer weekend than we asked for. Even though we were able to ship you off to Grandpa Ranman for a few hours on Monday, these kids have a great way making up for lost time. What’s the equivalent to “cabin fever”, but with kids?

Daddy’s little helper:   
 
Hot cocoa after hard work:  
And then there’s the attack on daddy, or the blizzard-in-the-house:

   
Followed by cheeks, which is 90% of my view since Baby Ranboy doesn’t appreciate you talking to him any higher than eye level:

 

New Year, New Daycare 

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Getting Baby Rangirl ready for her new daycare wasn’t as tough as I thought it’d be. Granted, I get help from a super-sleepy Mommy Ranman who has to get to bed earlier so that we can prep Baby Ranboy for his morning departure.  And sleeping early is so hard when all you want to do is yell at the TV whilst watching Netflix’s Making A Murderer. 

The biggest struggle with Baby Rangirl is convincing her that it’s too cold to wear a dress everyday in the middle of winter. 
The hipster vibe below was more novelty since she wasn’t going anywhere that day:

  
This ham of a kid loves her “princess dresses” and attention. I was actually trying to snap a pic of Baby Ranboy here:

  
I don’t know how we’re going to get Baby Rangirl excited about school. The new daycare was disappointed she couldn’t write her name at the age of 3, and she gets 1st grade level homework. 

Like her dad, all she wants to do is #playandchill. 

   

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