November 16, 2015
Pics and Videos, Family, The Fourth Year
funny, parenting, Parents, kids
You’re really a cute kid, Baby Rangirl. Really. Just…just lovely.
Hourly visits to our bedside during the night isn’t creepy at all. Nor is it the leading cause for sleep deprivation in 2-out-4 adults in our household. You’re swell.
And the constant interruptions during mommy and daddy’s conversations via knock-knock jokes? Especially ones you cutely botch at the punchline? Not a nuisance at all.
But…just for poops-and-giggles: how about we have a look at this chart which sums up our current living situation, shall we? A mere look into where you stand at the age of 3:
Let’s see what 4 years of age brings in a couple of months.
Now, some pictorial updates.
Here’s you helping mommy blow out her own birthday cake…because you know. You’re the center of it all. As per Mommy Ranman, she’s still 29. Around the age when you can date, coincidentally. Note: the booze was not for you.
And here you are, trying to eat your bro.
And then there’s the time your baby bro protested that we weren’t feeding him enough:
Finally, the early stages of what now must be your dungeon—I mean my old mancave. Hope to have it toy-free as long as possible!
November 10, 2015
The Fourth Year
funny, parenting, kids, Halloween
I certainly feel our daughter’s one work day of the year is starting to pay off. Halloween candy is an accepted form of pay in the Ranman household. However, your stock goes down when you latch onto some imitation Batman:
Granted, it’s cute walking Baby Rangirl and her bestie on the block from door to door…but Batman’s need to ring all 20 door bells despite being some not being decorated for Halloween – just…argh!
Points deducted for Baby Rangirl not putting her princess feet down and noticing her father being over the holiday. She naturally chose to ring as many bells as Batman.
And poor little Baby Ranboy. Homie was bored out of his mane. Or cub head. Sorry, I have no clue what he was dressed as- lion? Bear? Sleeping sack of cute?
Needless to say, 1 week later and we’re still swimming in candy- and in a few weeks: debt. That’s one pool Baby Rangirl has learned to float in: right after Halloween we received the ToysRus big book of toys. With a $200 princess castle. Which is the only thing she wants. She circled the toy with engineer-like precision. But ask her to write down the letter “A” and she’s as coordinated as a snail trying to write for the first time.
When did Halloween become so unfun? If you’re reading this blog post in the future Baby Rangirl (or Teenage Rangirl?), you better be able to locate and play with that castle on demand. I don’t care if you’re too old. Who cares what the mean girls at school will say? I want your Barbies conducting a $200-worth tea party with Ken playing some of my favorite tunes in the common area of the castle.
Pains in my butt.
September 29, 2015
The Fourth Year
humor, funny, parenting, fatherhood, kids
Whilst Baby Rangirl continues to amaze at the random crap she retains, Baby Ranboy continues to fill in the memories of what it’s like to get used to a new baby:
Mommy Ranman IM’d me-
75th percentile for height;
90th for weight
60th for head”
Daddy Ranman: any of that too much according to the doctor?
Mommy Ranman: Nope, the doc said Baby Ranboy is perfect
Daddy Ranman: and that’s a good weight, too?
Mommy Ranman: She said it’s fine. Keep feeding him on demand
Daddy Ranman: cool. and what of his…member? is that in the 90th percentile?
I didn’t hear from the Mrs. again on that IM thread. Let’s hope you’re equipped to handle the world, little dude. Gotham needs you.
September 11, 2015
The Fourth Year
humor, funny, parenting, kids
Mommy Ranman: The site says if Baby Ranboy’s testicles don’t drop in 6 months, we’ll need to have that taken care of
Me: well I’ll be
Mommy Ranman: so when you change his diapers again, I’ll need you to check if they’ve dropped
Me: how can I tell? Is it like when the beat/bass drops in a song?
Mommy Ranman: ugh no. Feel for 2…
Me: but he’s all testicles…I can’t tell unless I’m grabbing both mine and his at the same time for comparison…and that my friend, is plain odd
Mommy Ranman: but you have–you’re–ugh, just- you’re helpless
Me: I ain’t helpful
Party on when the bass drops, little dude.
September 2, 2015
The Fourth Year
humor, funny, parenting, Family, fatherhood, kids
Am I the only dad whose foot always finds the 1 toy or end of the kid furniture each time? From Baby Rangirl’s stray Lego to Baby Ranboy’s bassinet cramping my bedroom- each item seems to increase in pointy texture and discoverability once my toe comes within striking distance.
I see it now – Baby Ranboy’s challenge. “Mess with me and I’ll make your life rough…when I figure I’ve been messed with.”
(Note Baby Rangirl’s toy on the floor in the background waiting for my right foot to get home.)
On top of that, I’m changing my own clothes as often as this little guy- it seems like I get the same amount of spit on me as he does on himself. Who’s the baby in this relationship?
Gangster by nature.
What else is working against you, Daddy Ranman you ask? Timing. I have no problem with a baby crying every 3 hours for a bottle and diaper change.
He barely sleeps for long stretches.
The second kid is waking up every 2 hours herself.
If I were to do the math we’re getting…35 minutes of sleep? 2 seconds? Okay I’m the one Indian that sucks at math but I do know sleep escapes us by a lot of hours.
And why does he get to sleep on his own time?
2 kids aren’t so bad, we expected this of course. But Baby Rangirl- you know what you do. You be playing on this “first child syndrome” where you steal each parent’s chunk of time in order to get ice cream.
You kids will kill me sooner than my next drink.