Dearest Future Offspring:

I gotta hand it to you. You are all nestled in mommy’s womb with disaster swarming around your cushioned existence. Fear not, my little avocado-sized super hero. Snow is probably your most consistent natural enemy aside from body hair by the time you read this as New York doesn’t succumb to much.

So let’s gather some memories for what you couldn’t see but probably heard us talk a lot about since you can now hear conversations and the Scrubs episodes while we waited out the storm.

I received 5 Weather Channel app warnings during the hurricane all relatively saying the same thing. This one below must be translated for the hipsters and ghetto folk that only react to certain key words such as “urban”:


From a facebook friend’s trip to the local supermarket in Queens:



And our local foliage place threw up the sign below. Is this a song reference or something? Why are hurricanes never named after strippers like “Bambi” and instead named after aged grandmothers of yesteryear?


Ignore the fact that the below promotes drinking. Taken from another Facebook friend:


Get used to the MTA not being prepared dear Offspring(s), but I think they finally have a valiant excuse for not being functional:


And finally, the drastic measures we took of filling up our bathtub with water in the event our power goes out. It’s for the toilet. I was told to do this by various news reports and by your grandfather, but I didn’t think to ask what to do with the water in the event we lose power nor how power lost is related to our toilets. Your daddy lives a sheltered life.