Not certain I have had the distinguished honor in meeting an heirloom tomato. One which was passed down from generations to be of sentimental value. Seriously, why are there such variations in fruit? No, rather, why does my budding baby need to be compared to these variations that people rarely use? Really, kind reader? You eat heirloom tomatoes all the time, what’s my problem? Well sorry, I’m sure a handful of people, my Future Offspring included, have ever eaten an “heirloom” tomato as opposed to the regular ones out there.


Look at you there Future Offspring, all floating with your amniotic fluids around you. Your skin with its vernix caseosa white coating. You go on with your bad self producing a coat to protect yourself from the surrounding acidic pregnant juices. Don’t worry, “The vernix sheds as delivery approaches, though some babies still sport a bit of the coating at birth.” I’ll be sure the docs wipe you good before I claim you as my own.

Projected stats this week:

Size: 6 in. Large image
Weight: 8 1/2 oz.
“He or she now weighs about 8½ ounces and measures 6 inches, as long as a turkey sub from Subway on warm, delicious Italian Herbs and Cheese bread (or Honey Oat bread, or Oregano bread or …)”. So they describe my kids as fruits and veggies I never ate, and the weight of food (deli turkey) the mom can’t eat.

So far the Mommy Ranman is barely showing 4.1 months in. It’s hard to remember that I am not allowed to rough her up or lay on her tummy at blazing speeds of impact like I’d normally do.

Just the other day the Mrs. was whistled at because I wasn’t there to discourage dudes from looking at M’lady in any way other than her being some broad on the streets. Guys are so disrespectful. Leave my broad alone. She is doubly not on the market.