You might be wondering why you randomly get cool toys and a smack in the head at the same time Future Rangirl. It’s simple. Daddy DJs parties from time-to-time, and recently they’ve all been Sweet 16s. So the toys are from the extra money while the smack is to keep your hormones in check after I see these teens with their significant others.

Of course I can’t control when you start dating if I intend to keep you off the stripper pole, Little Rangirl. But these teenage boys are so not for you. They request some of the most bizarre songs to dance to while the teenage girls just want their pop music. One boy asked me to play a song called “My D$&*”!

I know to be wary when you ask for permission to go to these Sweet 16s. This is a great chance for you girls to sneak kisses and gropings with a greater kid-to-parent ratio where the ‘rents are too busy making sure none of you little turds are drinking while they sneak in a bottle for themselves to cope with their own little girl growing up. Yea, I’m on to you little girl.

I would wonder if I’d cry like many dads at these birthdays at your own Sweet 16 party. At times it seems like a reality. Then the gropefest begins moments later with the faux hawk boys and I realize I won’t cry – I’d be too busy measuring the distance between the teen couples with a ruler.