In a wondrous news article forwarded by Mrs. Ranman’s friend and Facebook buddy of mine whom I shall dub as “Bearer of Good News”, I now need to start installing that electric dog collar on Future Rangirl a bit sooner. I was gunning for maybe around right after her Sweet 16 so as to not have the collar clash with her jewelry, but I might need to work with as early as 12 to have her get used to the new accessory around her neck while keeping her no more than 15 feet away from the front door.

Sheri Simonek has spent the past four months aching for contact with her daughter. But when the mother opened her Facebook account last Friday and discovered a private note from her missing 15-year-old, she could not have felt too comforted.
The message: I’m married, I’m pregnant, I’m living in Mexico.

Oh goodie. 15, married, pregnant, Mexican. Well the Mexican thing isn’t the issue- this Californian girl ended up breaking up with one Mexican who was already married and hooked up with another. So I assume once your daughter develops a preference in dude you can’t change that. But 15? Another country? Ugh. I was hoping to move to California one day with my immediate family to get away from this forsaken land of Nueva York.

Thanks “Bearer of Good News”, now all I can think about is at what age my daughter will leave us to run and fornicate with some older dude in some foreign country like Canada, or worse New Jersey.

How do you go from this…


…To this…???