Well future offspring, another year in the books for your father. While you were turning 31 weeks old in your mother’s womb, daddy hit 31 years old. Oh, laugh now. “You’re old, daddy!” is what you cry now as you curl in abdominal pain from all the laughing when I attempt to lift a box with my bad back. But wait until you get my age, you’ll be saddened like your mother from all the 30 year old angst that comes with aging as you realize that you wish you were in a stable relationship the way you parents were when you finally hit 30. So stop laughing at my oldness….

…and start laughing at your Aunty D from your daddy’s 31st birthday celebration. With all the fun she had, you’d think it were her birthday! (note: pictures purposely left hard to make out).

Let’s all sing karaoke! Aunty D is on the right, Uncle Ro’s girlfriend at the time on the left…


And then the ride home for Aunty D in the backseat:


Mommy had to drive Aunty D’s with you keeping her further from the steering wheel than she’d like. Daddy, well he was too drunk to do any driving on his own. See? Your parents and aunts knew how to have fun in their days. Laugh all you want- we were having all this fun as field research. We were investigating all the lies and underaged fun you’ll be trying to have when you get older, so that we can stop you from having the aforementioned fun. All within reason of course while we try to keep you from becoming we really fear: an exotic dancer/adult film star. I’m sure they’re all lovely women and yes, their parents accept them for their career path.

But not your parents. We will hit you for the first time (on record) if you come home with such a choice in career. Oh, what was this blog posting about again? Did I stray again? Um, right, my “bday”. Be a good girl and I’ll have a good birthday. And don’t have too much fun like Aunty D.


Yes, we used to get ice cream birthday cakes way before you were born. Yes, daddy’s real name is “Randy”. Not “Randolph” or “Rand-man”. When you start referring me to the real world you are only allowed to use “Randy” or “Ranman”. Yes, even on job interviews.