One thing I have learned from being an expecting father is that people are never short of advice. It’s a combination of not utilizing books, the Internet, and not planning on being parents in the first place that leads to the “I wish someone had told me the things I am telling you now”. Out of curiosity I thought I’d ask my friend his take on parenting since he really hasn’t said much so far about parenting expect the standard “you’ll see when your kid is born how you’ll miss sleep.”

Ranman: ok, so ur a father. u have 1 advice to give a new parent- forget that it is me. what’s your advice? from a father’s point of view.

Head: nothing u will do is right or wrong, go with the flow, because every child is different. don’t get scared of falls or cries. if she does not stop crying, and u feel that ur getting frustrated, which will happen, put her in the crib and walk away till u calm down, crying is not dangerous, words can’t be used, so they use cries for everything.

Head: she will get on your last nerve, because you are so used to having people speak to you. that this new challenge of figuring out what she needs, which is tough. much like trying to speak in english to a chinese person but without much motor skills- make a rule from the get-go: with EVERYONE, limit the time they hold the baby, use the chair as a way for people to play with the baby. set your rules on both her parents and yours as far as when baby can be seen, don’t disrupt sleeping patterns, as they are hard to get into, but can easily be broken. don’t baby them, sure it’s easier said then done, but they get used to things very easily, so if you get them used to being rocked to sleep, prepare for that to be your job for the next 2-4 years. one couple i knew had to take their son out every night in the car so that he’d fall asleep.

Head: and last but not least, get used to not sleeping. baby will require feedings at all times, and give ur selfs power naps, as opposed to long sleeps. that way u get used to it, and not go crazy when baby cries. oh and buy bottled water, and keep at room temperature, that way you have easy water accessible and don’t have to heat up in stove. thats it.

Head: oh and always leave something in the back seat of the car that will remind you baby is back there, you are not used to her, therefore u follow a routine and may tend to forget that she is there. it happens, remember we are machines who do the same shit all the time, and an addition is something that can throw u off.

Ranman: the sleeping thing im not worried about for now. Mrs. Ranman moves around so much now that i barely get sleep. i got my wii hooked up in the nursery so that i can entertain myself while the baby drones on with her damn crying. “shut up! im trying to watch my shows!”

Ranman: good point with the bottled water, we keep and drink at room temperature for ourselves. your words sound straight from a book…well thought out…are you copying and pasting from your memoirs? right after the chapter on “the chicks i have banged, a retrospect”

Head: LOL

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