I don’t know dude. People say you’ll lose a lot of sleep with a newborn. Okay, well that’s mostly Mommy Ranman as she lets me sleep at night during the week whilst she takes care of the late feedings so that I’m rested for work. That’ll change when she goes back to work in a few months but at least for now sleep is going well for me.

I’ve also been told babies will poop like crazy. Well our little girl is a true lady and she doesn’t have predictable bowel movements like her daddy. We’ve seen a lot of wet diapers at most, the only note on the poop diapers is that when our little champ goes- holy runny hell does she go. It’s like a full grown adult’s movement that requires you to hop in the shower right after because there is no amount of toilet paper that will set you right and allow you to go about your day like no bomb was just dropped.

The spit up. A lot of people have mentioned that all the good clothes I own will succumb to the random and frequent rejected milk our daughter’s upset stomach sends back like the patron of a restaurant who wasn’t pleased with the undercooked steak and despite movies like Road Trip and Waiting said patron asks that waiter get the cook to actually put some effort into recooking his meal. I’ve had one set of clothes actually ruined due to spit/vomit, but everything else ends up on our girl’s clothes which will come out of her allowance if she wants them dry cleaned.

So overall, it would seem that we got lucky with the functioning of our baby. Random crying and gas fits aside, I’d say we own this little buggar. She has been tamed for the first month. Oof. Sorry, just tripped over an empty box of diapers. Hmm, not sure what it’s doing on the landing of our stairs…I guess it previously got in the way of Mommy Ranman and she punted it out of the way for me to pick up. No worries. What was I saying? Ugh, let me just wash this empty baby bottle and put it away- hmm. No more room on the dish rack…


No worries, I’ll just leave it in the sink for later. Oh, you can’t hear me? No no, we like to whisper in our down time. Yea, totally has nothing to do with the fact that our little lungs-endowed baby is sleeping. That noise you hear in the background is the iPhone Sleepwalker app designed to essentially play loud rain noises and shut our kid up. You should whisper too, you know, so as to not disturb the rhythmic sounds of the app.


So just tiptoe around the pile of dirty baby clothes by the basement door and let’s sit down to catch up on old times. Oh sorry, I didn’t mean in the office area. Sure, you see 2 seats but they are reserved to sit and monitor our baby as she plays on her “tummy time” mat:


Oh don’t go in that bathroom- there’s no room to really move…


Ugh let’s just take a seat in the kitchen to- oh what sweet hell is this?


Bouncer and vibrating chair. I’m owned.