There are a lot of nuances with being a first time dad. Just the other day I was first to pick a Texas-sized booger from our baby daughter’s nose (sorry sweetie, the world needs to know that I compensate for not cleaning your poopie diapers). Hmm, I feel I’m going to catch a lot of heat despite that last statement being in parentheses. It’s English 101 people, you don’t address head-on to the writer anything within those 2 brackets.

But I can sense Mommy Ranman’s judgmental glare as she burns a hole into her iPhone reading this. Yea buddy. I haven’t cleaned a dump-diaper since the hospital. And it isn’t my thing. I have permanently taken on duties of cleaning the cat’s…well…”duties”. One daughter’s remnants is enough. Heck, the cat came with this marriage, so I should get some pass at a dump diaper. I clean the other diapers all the time, and in an emergency I’ll man up and take on that searing deposit- but in the interim my dainty hands belong to the cat.

Um, what was this blog about again? Let me read the title again. “Controversies?” Oh right. I gotta lay off getting into arguments or discussions that might end up in statements such as “oh yea? Well prove it!” As a dude, I don’t have much proof on hand to prove anything I say. My memory probably isn’t even telling the story correctly half the time when chatting to people the way a woman could with her more intelligent brain. So what’s the natural next statement after my lack of proof or witnesses of me of stories such as the time I stole money from a teacher in the seventh grade? (don’t ask me about this, daughter of mine. Maybe I should have put that last note in these parenthesis. Oh you know what? I was just giving an example)

“Oh yea, Ranman? Then swear on your children“.

Ugh. Now that’s going to be a low blow. Now I have children to swear on. And I guess by default that’s a big no-no whether you’re lying or if you’re telling the truth and still swear on the little buggars. If it were the cat then I’d swear away. Heck, I’d swear 10 times a day if I could on her.

I must now tread lightly as a dad.