Now I’m not saying I want to revoke my own parental license. I heart being a dad. Mainly because people can’t stop complimenting our daughter’s cuteness which ultimately feeds my ego into this idea that ladies love the Ranman for his baby providing abilities. Sure, all they can do is fantasize but I allow them to, else they’d go home to their husbands whom only provide trolls-for-kids and they lose all hope for a better tomorrow.

Um, I think I digressed. Why should I give back my parental authority? Or at least defer my half to my wife until our daughter is past her potty training days? Actually wait. Hmm. I want to be there for potty training because all she has to do is pop a squat. It’s after that you need to start worrying what horse dung these young ragamuffin-for-boys are telling her on the playgrounds and at the jungle gyms. Sigh. If only we had a boy instead…where at least all the dude’s issues would be resolved after 6 years of age as he’d spend the next 10 years on video games; the following 10 would be lost trying to talk to a girl, and then boom! he’s out of the house and no longer a burden…it’s like after 6 years of age boys become a house cat with almost no emotional roller coasters.

Oh right. Back to the daughter I actually have. Homegirl has been moved to her crib from the bassinet we had thrown her in since birth. The transition means a less snug and inclined sleep, to the more recommended-by-doctors-and-America barren-wasteland approach. Or in other words, nights that were down to only 1 awakening has now been upped to 2+. Why bother using a bassinet in the first place if the infant is only going to hate the crib in a few months thereafter? By now we could have avoided this devolution of sleep.

Oh, and we now have 2 different monitors that make the nights yield a surround sounding space station with all the white noise apps, fans, and air purifiers going on in 2 rooms rather than the 1. I don’t know how anyone could sleep through this symphony of static that sounds like a scene from Poltergeist. If you want a cure for baby fever (aka the ticking biological clock) just spend the night by us. I swear, I really think I’m hearing voices through these gadgets that aren’t our own child’s.


Monitor and camera in our room

Fancy humming fan in our room


Monitor and camera bases in the nursery


Radio to play the white noises app in the nursery…which relays sounds and movement to our room, which gets redistributed into our atmosphere be the fan in our room…