Baby girl, you must be wondering “what did I do for my first Memorial Weekend in this world?” by the time you read this. Did you pay homage to the troops? Perhaps hit a barbecue? Hit those water parks you now love so much? Nay to all, silly girl:

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You went to an aquarium and all you got was this silly T-shirt.

But let’s backtrack with how our aquarium trip started. The sheer heat of the day may have made you a bit dehydrated. Perhaps you weren’t getting enough milk that day. Something in the air? No matter the cause, you decided to start your string of bowel movements for the day in daddy’s truck. The back seat in particular. I still see the clear image of mommy trying to control the slaughter with the cleanliness of my backseat as the last thought on her mind.

Rather, she preferred to mourn the loss of a new outfit she had just bought you that lasted a mere 2 hours as we had to toss the destroyed romper set. I think it was cute too, I forget. Again, all I saw was the lack of respect for your surroundings as mommy tried to clean you up. What happens after a new diaper was on? You quickly let a #1 onto the seat. Not much, but enough to set me into a silent shock. Did I tell you the truck is only 1 year and 7 months old? Meaning it had gone 1 year and 7 months straight with no human fluids on it until Memorial Day, 2012.

Okay, okay. Be calm Daddy Ranman. That kid is still a cutie pie. Remember that. Okay, I’m back.

The aquarium itself was interesting. You seemed to enjoy the black light which lit some aquarium displays…

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…but you had no care for the sea lions and penguins. The sting rays also caught your attention:

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At one point we hit the outdoor exhibits which were probably nowhere near enjoyable for you. Mostly because it was around 90 degrees. You sweat up quite the storm little girl. Perhaps time to get you on treadmill so you can build up your cardio and tolerance from all the walking? Oh right, you were being carried all the time- no excuse for all the sweat! I kid I kid. No need to call child services.

What’s great is a day later, we learned that you shouldn’t keep an infant out in the sun or hot weather for more than an hour since they are prone to heatstroke. The day before the aquarium we took the little buggar to the Brooklyn Promenade which was entirely outdoors and had no shade whatsoever…for at least 3 hours. Luckily there was the river breeze which keeps us off the Worst Parents list for now.

Overall, great success for our first outing as a new family. You really are a good kid so far. Remember that as you read this after getting into a fight with your mother over cleaning your room and a suffering the 15th straight rejection at the age of 30 to date a guy. Don’t worry daughter of mine, you’ll be up for parole in another year. Start making a case for your hearing.

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