Who knew the one thing I’ve never used in my life (at least from the point when my first childhood memory kicks in…which is around kindergarten- I know, it’s sad I can’t remember beyond that but I can barely remember my own sister’s age because according to my parents I never ate my vegetables growing up) is Vaseline. Wow, that use of parentheses for a side note was a bit winded, no wonder I only minored in English.

If I’m not mistaken my parents likely used powder on my bum for diaper rash prevention. Now we’re told to use petroleum jelly or ointment of sorts to keep that toosh impossible for pee to stick to.

And now thanks to the Googles we find that the sucker helps rid our baby of cuts and extremely dry skin. The kid’s elbow pits are red from heat but one slather of the miracle goop and bam! You have a baby that looks less deprived from good parenting.

This Vaseline must cure other things. Obesity? Toe jam? Illegitimate children? Fricken Vaseline. I don’t see why more pimps aren’t carrying a vat in their oversized coats. I’m sure their hands get cuts from keeping said hand of the pimp strong- Vaseline reduces the severity if not heals the cuts of our baby. I wonder if I mix some with our baby’s milk what sweet powers she’d acquire. Perhaps Wolverine’s ability to heal quickly?

Because when cuts and elbow pits are healed, tummy time goes easier for us all.