If you are reading this in what one can only assume to be the future, Baby Rangirl, I hope you are still not eating zucchini. Especially in puréed form. If you are then I have failed you as a parent and either Mommy Ranman or society has won by ensuring you eat this horrid beast.

In order to rule out specific veggies and fruits as the catalyst for allergies, we have been instructed to start new ones only if are able to keep it up for 4 days at a time. That was 4 days of hell for you, Baby Rangirl. I watched as your mouth make shapes and forms that would make Jim Carey (a physical comedian in our day…think Spongebob in human form) proud:

So I made a promise to you that I would never feed you zucchini as long as I live. That’s probably the result of me treating you like the princess you should be…but you’ve been eating way more fruits and veggies than I ever have since birth so you get a free pass.

But so help you if this comes back to bite me in the butt. If they discover zucchini is the source of healthy bones or the best preventative measure against douchebag boyfriends…I’ll lock you up old school style. I don’t care how old you are when this info comes out.