Baby Rangirl has developed her speaking abilities since my last post.

The thing is, this kid still can’t carry a full conversation. She’s the modern day Joe Buck: everything is a play-by-play and no more. Captain Obvious should be a nickname.

“I turned on the TV”.

“What are you going to watch, Baby Rangirl?”

“I use the remote, the TV is on.”

And so on.

There are those special convos that do make a parent proud. The other day Baby Rangirl ripped a fart on Mommy Ranman, and declared “I pooped on Mommy!” That’s a thought leader right there. Or, a bully.

Now to anyone reading this, I can see why you wouldn’t care. I barely care about anyone telling me about their own kid unless there’s a toilet joke at the end. When at a playground recently, I had to watch over our kid interacting with others older than her as their own parents were nowhere to be found.

Which automatically makes me somewhat responsible for these runts who hold no value to my social worth. But you gotta pretend you’re interested in the other kids’ every word just in case:

-their parents stumble into the area while you’re telling their kid that Santa craps their presents out of his bum, hence the random lumps of coal

-your own kid is paying attention to you not caring about anything someone else’s birthed chatterbox, in turn teaching her that other people are in fact useless…practically raising a bully

-you need practice in listening to pointless conversations your own kid will begin preaching in a year or two

This one kid was clearly too old to be playing in the area we were patrolling, but proceeded to still serve me pretend-dirt pies. I humored him until he pushed my baby girl to the side trying to deliver my fifth imaginary helping of mud pie. His mom, from some rogue bush, said “Now Rain (spelling?), she is smaller than you- play nice!”

My natural unfiltered self mumbled directly to Rain: “yea kid, you’re more like ‘heavy Rain’ so you better back off.”

I teach my kid to share- but still be the aggressor. Will that teach her to be a bully? Maybe. But if Lindsay Lohan didn’t become one in Mean Girls, she would have never learned what little turds kids really are.

It might be backfiring. Baby Rangirl tells my wife and I to move, go away, get out of here…and more.

Save a seat for me, equally-beaten toy doll. I am a victim of bullying and also need a drink: