I’m not looking for accolades, Baby Rangirl. You’re cute as curse words, and growing up only 10% douchebag in New York is praise enough. But when you’re 2 days away from sticking me in a nursing home due to my failing organs, or 2 seconds away from telling me how I don’t understand your trials and tribulations…I ask that you read my blog.

Refer to the picture of Mommy and Daddy sacrificing their time and fridge space:


…and rushing your urine for examination after taking care of your sick self. Getting that junk into a cup from an un-potty-trained kid takes patience, science, and Mommy. I did it with a funky contraption attached to you at the doctor’s office; and mommy handled round 2 into a cup.

#parenting. Do they still use hash tags as you read this in the future, Baby Rangirl?