Well Baby Rangirl, your mother continues to force Christmas cheer down your throat. I’m okay with that. Not a fan of lying to you re: the whole Santa thing, but a posable elf has made his (should be a female but you refer to it as a dude) way into our lives.

Allegedly he needs to be routinely on some shelf. But your mother got you so into the movie Elf that your new pal is a partner in crime this Christmas due to your affinity towards elf lore. You even ask daily for an elf costume.


Here you are watching Elf, with an elf.


It’s cute seeing you wake up every morning looking for the elf as per Elf-on-the-shelf protocol. I do worry come December 25th what you’ll do without this thing. Rules indicate that this elf is off to Santa to report his findings post-stalking you for the previous 24 days. We’ve been doing a great job setting you up for your first heartbreak.

Look it at. Not creepy at all with its beady eyes.