Well Baby Rangirl, your mother continues to force Christmas cheer down your throat. I’m okay with that. Not a fan of lying to you re: the whole Santa thing, but a posable elf has made his (should be a female but you refer to it as a dude) way into our lives.

Allegedly he needs to be routinely on some shelf. But your mother got you so into the movie Elf that your new pal is a partner in crime this Christmas due to your affinity towards elf lore. You even ask daily for an elf costume.

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Here you are watching Elf, with an elf.

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It’s cute seeing you wake up every morning looking for the elf as per Elf-on-the-shelf protocol. I do worry come December 25th what you’ll do without this thing. Rules indicate that this elf is off to Santa to report his findings post-stalking you for the previous 24 days. We’ve been doing a great job setting you up for your first heartbreak.

Look it at. Not creepy at all with its beady eyes.

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