I watch our kids as best as I can without falling asleep. It’s the best they’ll get until we can carry on a great conversation on planning dinner or what I want to do for Father’s Day. Until then- if it’s me versus 2 then I get a little parenting help from Mr. Nickelodeon to sedate Baby Rangirl while I can drum up the patience to discuss the latest in gibberish talk with now 4 month-old Baby Ranboy. 

One night I decided to take them both on at once: getting Baby Rangirl into her sleep clothes while holding the increasingly heavy Baby Ranboy. And as a result, I wasn’t there in time to catch Baby Rangirl from falling off her bunk bed. She was standing and lost balance.  

The girl is tough – the crying lasted for only a minute. In trying to get to the fallen tike I had to find a place to stuff Baby Ranboy. I laid him on a nearby kiddie couch where he slowly descended into a toppling-over position. I had to run back and grab him, not quick enough to realize I could have easily just tossed the little dude onto the same bed Baby Rangirl just fell off. Perhaps the bed was now my mortal enemy in my eyes. 

So to confirm Baby Rangirl/Ranboy…this is the definitive moment when I ensure you’re always by my side. I was a cool dad for almost 4 years. You want to go on the swing at the playground? Negative. My awkward body can’t fit in there with you. 

 Trip to the Home Depot? You’re riding with me. 


Dress you in disguise? Yes please- wards off unwanted creeps:


Parental supervision for the both of youse in scary fun houses? Oh yah:



Next issue we’ll tackle? Not being there 24/7, thus the mounds of gifts we’ll be buying out of guilt.