Look little Ranboy. Just because you recently received my support for favorite kid after Butthole Rangirl declared she likes Mommy Ranman more, it doesn’t mean you get a free pass at life. We’ve been way too tolerant of bringing you to our bed when you wake up- and that nonsense must stop. 

You just have way too many limbs and use brute force in your sleep. That way-too- big-head of yours becomes an extra weapon in your sleep warfare and I think it gave me a concussion one time. Summer- long plans prevented us from trying to sleep train, which requires at least three straight nights. 

And I’ve complained ever since Baby Rangirl what horsepoop it is that we have to teach kids how to do something as natural (and oh so wonderful) as how to sleep. 

Well you little turd, it’s 3AM and you’re finally asleep after waking up at 2AM. Since Mommy Ranman and I are driven by annoyance, it was easy to hear you yell at the top of your lungs for attention. Just go to sleep dude, you’ll find no solace in our bed till you learn what nightmares are.